How to determine the ways your team wants to be shown appreciation

How to determine the ways your kollektiv wants to be shown appreciationHow to determine the ways your team wants to be shown appreciationCommunicating appreciation effectively to those with whom you work is based on three foundational premisesNot everyone feels appreciated in the same ways.(And specifically, not necessarily through the waysyoufeel appreciated.) Hence, the effectiveness of using the 5 Languages of Appreciation to communicate in the ways valued by the recipient.Appreciation needs to be viewed as authentic to have a positive impact.Attempts to communicate appreciate which are perceived as disingenuous not only angelegenheit flat, but they can actually create damage to your relationship. The more specific the appreciation is, the more likely it will be perceived as genuine.Just knowing a rolles preferred language of appreciation isnt sufficientknowing the specific actions desired in their primary language is critical.While knowing a persons primary language of appreciati on is helpful, there are numerous actions which can reflect that language, some of which will be effective, others wont.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreOver the past several years, we have learned the factors necessary for any appreciation communicated to a team member to hit the mark and truly make the recipient feel valued. While there arefour core conditions weve identified elsewhere,a key component is knowing your colleagues preferred language of appreciation and the actions that are important to them.A key question, then, ishow do you determine a colleagues language of appreciation (and what actions they value)? Let me walk through the potential options, and the common results of each.OPTION 1Ask your co-worker how they like to be shown appreciation.While this seems to be relatively simple and straightforward, in reality, this is an awkward conversation in fruchtwein cultu res. We rarely ask one another, How would you like me to show you appreciation? Secondly, and probably more importantly, we tend to not get much information from asking the question. The typical response is I dont know. Tell me thanks, I guess. This is partly due to the concept of different forms of appreciation being somewhat unknown, and partially due to the fact that most people narrowly view appreciation as just saying thanks.OPTION 2Try to gain understanding through observing how they show appreciation to others.A frequent suggestion given is for each of us to watch and observe how our colleagues demonstrate their appreciation to others. This may be a good starting point, but there are two challenges. First, we dont have much data to interpret. That is, there arent many times we actually get to observe others communicating appreciation to others (aside from large employee recognition ceremonies). Secondly, some of our research indicates that the way a personexpressesappreciatio n to others is the way they want toreceiveappreciation only about 75% of the time. (This is especially true for Tangible Gifts. Many who like togivegifts, dont necessarily valuereceivinggifts.)OPTION 3Ask them what tends to be encouraging to them when they are discouraged.The best work around we have found (although it still isnt really effective) is to ask your coworker, When you get discouraged, what encourages you? This is a bit more natural of a conversation, but the information gained is still relatively limited. You might get one or two suggestions, at best, and they may not fit the context in which you work (for example, making their favorite comfort food).OPTION 4Have them take the Motivating By Appreciation (MBA) Inventory. While this may seem self-serving (to have the best solution be one of our resources) the fact is we have found no better way to quickly, accurately, and easily identify colleagues desired ways of being shown appreciation.Part of this has to do with the n ature of the 5 languages. First,the 5 languages are easy to learn, understand, and remember. Unlike some assessment tools, the category names (e.g. Acts of Service) are descriptive and dont have to be explained. While some have attempted to create (long) lists of specific ways to show appreciation, these are like memorizing a long list of facts without any cohesive construct. Understanding a persons primarylanguageof appreciation provides a unifying construct around which to organize and understand the actions they desire. We also have created visual symbols to represent each appreciation language, which clearly assist in recalling each of the five languages.Secondly,the 5 Languages appear to be almost universal and relevant in virtually every culture.I say almost and virtually because we dont know for sure they are applicable ineveryculture. We havent tried to apply them to every culture in the world (yet), and some cultures (for example, traditional Japanese) are far less comforta ble with most forms of physical touch in work relationships. Having said that, our book has been translated into 17 languages, and our resources are being used in at least 60 countries.A third important construct is thatthe specific actions within each appreciation language vary from situation to setting.Over the years, we learned that the 5 Languages appear to be applicable to every work setting we have encountered, but the actions often vary across industries. As a result, we have created a number of versions of theMBA Inventorywhich customize the action items within each appreciation language to make them relevant to different work settings. Currently, in addition to the report for general workplaces, thereare versions of theMBA Inventoryfor government agencies, schools, medical facilities, the military, nonprofit agencies and ministries, and for remote employees.Additionally, we are in the process of completing a new, expanded version of the inventory which provides additional i nformation to help understand each employees preferences and also,what actions to avoid.The expanded version includes comparison of the individuals results to the general population (both with regards to which languages are important to them, and which are not) identification of the one specific appreciation action most valued by the individual and the ways (in each appreciation language) the person absolutely doesnotwant to be shown appreciation.SummaryCommunicating authentic appreciation to your colleagues requires knowing their preferred language of appreciationandthe specific actions important to them. Having your team (and volunteers) take theMotivating By Appreciation (MBA) Inventoryis the most effective way to identify this information and provides the results in a format that can be easily shared with supervisors and team members across the organization. Join the 185,000 others who have taken the inventory and learn how to support and encourage your colleagues in the ways th at will hit the target with themThis article originally appeared on Appreciation at Work.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people